How Social Networking Damages Relationships!
Lies, deception and infidelity or harmless fun?
There are more and more social networking sites available to internet and mobile phone users worldwide. Advertisements are seen daily for men to register on such sites to chat to ‘hot young women’, or for women to chat to ‘fit young men’.
These sites seem to be aimed at those who fall into the age range of 18 – 40 and not necessarily those who are single and available. Some sites are aimed exclusively at married people.
What does this say about the morals of society today?
My personal case study – Leila and Adam’s story
Leila was married, happily, for a number of years before she met Adam at her workplace.
Leila’s marriage was her stability and her security, a close, intimate friendship rather than a passionate, fulfilling relationship. She felt that there was something missing and had experienced this feeling for a while.
There was an instant attraction when Leila met Adam, what some might call ‘chemistry’. Adam had a girlfriend also and their relationship was on the rocks. As colleagues, they were given a project to work on together and this brought them closer. The connection was very powerful physically, but they also found that they were compatible in almost every other way.
During the time they worked together, their relationship became that of a close friendship and involved ‘office flirting’ but no more. When Adam left the company their friendship developed outside of the office environment and they both embarked upon an affair. Neither party had the moral high ground, but both believed that the emotions they felt were strong, and real enough for them to end their existing relationships and be together.
Adam and Leila moved into a new home together and everything seemed fine, more than fine. Leila’s guilt over the affair and hurting her ex husband played on her mind and she had thoughts like ‘what goes around comes around, maybe Adam will cheat on me’.
One day, only a month after moving in with Adam she checked his mobile phone and found a video of a girl dancing erotically, wearing only her knickers and some knee high boots. The video did not look like it had been downloaded from a p*rn website, but looked more like it had been sent from another mobile phone or downloaded from a social networking site. Leila kept what she had found to herself but wondered where the video had come from.
On two more occasions, after she had discovered the video, she checked Adam’s mobile phone again, specifically his browser history. There was evidence that he had visited a flirting social networking site and chat on more than one occasion.
Feeling hurt and deceived, she wondered how to play it to approach him about it. She did not want to admit to invading his privacy and checking his phone, but she felt she had done this to protect herself and to find out exactly what her man had been up to.
Leila went to bed early one night, leaving Adam with his mobile phone in another room. After about an hour or so, she got up quietly to get a drink and walked into the room where Adam was sitting. He was using his phone and suddenly clicked it shut when she approached, looking very suspicious. He said he was looking for Leila’s Christmas presents online and didn’t want her to see. She didn’t believe him.
The next morning, when Adam was showering, Leila checked his phone again, and found that he had been using the flirting social network site she had found the last time.
After speaking to Adam about it he told her he used to use the site for 'friendly' purposes only, and not to flirt, not to exchange pictures and videos. How did that explain the dancing girl? How did it explain the use of his mobile phone after she had gone to bed?
Leila was hurt and did not know how to move forward. Adam promised not to use the site anymore. Leila is still struggling with trust issues, and paranoia regarding the situtaion.
I love the interenet and I love my mobile phone, but sometimes I see them both as being detrimental to us as people, detrimental to relationships, detrimental to true love. For people who are easily tempted, it is made far too easy to flirt, develop online relationships and exchange p*rnographic material. People are encouraged to cheat and sometimes it takes only the most strong willed of people to stay in control and realise that this is wrong!
Do I consider cyber sex, chat of a sexual nature, and flirting online as cheating? Yes I do. Relationships are suffering, marriages are suffering.
Where do we draw the line? When will the deception stop? When will people be satisfied with one partner without the extra titilation?
Have we gone too far?